You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
