Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
