She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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