I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
