Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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