Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
