So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
