i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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