Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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