Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize