Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
