i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
