what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
