Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
