My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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