Duck Duck Cougar?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
