Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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