He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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