Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
