The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you win again, gameday.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
