theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
