You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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