i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
