you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
