Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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