dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
