In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
