shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
