Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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