I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize