I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
