I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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