i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
