I'm really into asian looking animals
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
