the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
