shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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