There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
