I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
