I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
