The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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