On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize