Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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