I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
