i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
