So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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