I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
