Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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