so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
