i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
