he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
