The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
