i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
