remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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