If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize