Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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