i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
