Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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