Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my being single is dangerous.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
