Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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