I feel great
I just peed on a car
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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