Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
