You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
