You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish i was in the wii world.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
