he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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