She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
